I NEED HELP

Remember just the other day I was lamenting about my inability to "effectively communicate" with people.. it seems to be getting worse day by day. Gentle enough, a friend complaind, "By the way I had a hard time understanding the mail with all the short forms used. Really had to do some reverse engineering to understand it. The good pt is that I shall also start using the same the short form from now on." My elder brother was not so forgiving, he wrote back, "... but I am aghast at your written English skills. I hope I am interacting with Himani from India and not one from a ghetto in NY or Chicago :). After reading this, I am sure Baji (our late grandfather, a master philologist) must be crying (did it rain while you typed your reply?). Or maybe I have become old and still sticking to the old ways of English :)."

Told myself well maybe bhaiya, like he said "become old" and is not upto speed with the latest lingo here (he being a banking analyst in Toronto). However, today my younger bro sounded the death knell on my confidence once and for all. The most enjoyable mail I have ever received (written in "shuddh" hindi), read on what he had to say.

Namaste
priy behena
aur aap ke jeevan mein naya kya ho raha hai
aap se vartalap kiye bahut samay ho gaya tha isley mein ne aap ko khat linkh ne ka nirne liya
aur aap ka kolkata mein jeevan kaise beet raha hai
mujhe hamare priy bhrata golu se pata chala ki aap aajkal bahut vyast hain apni padahi main aur aap ko hamein yaad karne ka samay nahin mil raha hai par ham samaj sakte hain ki aap ke paas samay ki kami hai isley ham aap ko shama karte hain
yahan delhi mein sab kushal mangal hai
yahan is baar shetkalen mein bahut tand padi hai
aap ko yahan sab yad karte hain sab ko woh 3-3 din na nahae wali ladki yaad aati hai
aur hame pata chala haiki aap shillong jane ka vichar kar rahi hai chalo esi bahane aap apne mata-pita se mil ayengi aur unko bhi acha lagega
aap delhi kab aarahi hai
kya aap ko woh gana mil gaya dhokebazon ka sartaj(bluffmaster) ka agar aap ko nahin mila ho aur aap ko chaiye ho to aap mujhe khat lik dena aur mein aap ko woh shigr hi woh bhej dunga
aur wahan sab kaisa hai
aap ko wahan koi muskil to nahin hai na agar ho to bata dijiyega
hamne aap ko durbhash yantr pe nahin phone kiya kyuni aap ki firna(roaming) lag jati uske liye hamen aapna chota bhai samaj ke shama kar dejiyega
aacha aab hame chalna chaiye
subrabhat
aapka priy brata

Saurab

P.S This is how you write letters.. I still can't understand a word you write!!!

Epilogue: Where do I go from here... gearing up to become an effective science communicator am I... ??? A change of profession seems more like it!
Never forget that an act of Communication is one that aims to produce an effect on another person or presons. If this intention is absent, the act tends to be expressive rather than communicative.