Marriage - Love or Compromise
It was only when a friend tying the proverbial knot next month confided in me that marriage is all about making perennial compromises, did I start to dissect the very concept of marriage. I fell upon this quote by Richard Bach-
"The only thing that shatters dreams is compromise." ― The Bridge Across Forever
Hence the title - Marriage - Love or Compromise, much to the chagrin of my friend who insisted it should be Love and Compromise and reasoned, "you see I make compromises because I love him." To me, that was baloney.
I believe you love someone because you love the person you are (or become) when you are with them. So, if marriage is, let's say, the grandest way of telling this to the world, the moment you make a compromise (hearlding the death of a dream), how can you continue to love that person and most importantly, love yourself? Aren't you supposed to be loved and accepted for who you are and what you want to make of your life? Shouldn't marriage mean the continued fulfilment of all cherished hopes and aspirations and not their eventual demise.
Having personally experienced the whole spectrum of emotions regarding marriage ranging from being totally anti (as part of the recently culminated phase of complete disillusionment with life) to now waiting patiently for the poor guy to appear before my eyes, I stand thoroughly confused as to what it is all about.
This brain wash of mine was initiated by my close friend's french fiance and was certainly not an act of divine intervention like my mum would want to believe. Speaking in better hindi than I do, God knows how he asked me about my marriage plans in the midst of talking about his visit to Tihar Jail ( the biggest prison in Asia as part of an ICRC delegation). My response made him remark - "To kya sari umar kunwari rahna hai (So, do you plan to stay single all your life)?" I retorted, "Plan to" and thought to myself that this was coming from a guy in whose country the very concept of marriage was well, somewhat debatable. However, that was the beginning of the end of my elaborate plans to spare myself of the rigmarole of marriage and its myriad problems which would appear sooner or later. (Source - All "happily" married couples that I know of)
Next, the project assigned to me a few months back, expected me to become an expert in Behavioural Science overnight. A thorough perusal of the matter made available ( Encyclopaedia on Personal Relations and several books on Social Psychology) was so exhilarating that the Headquarter Director recently remarked that he knew I used to study for nine hours a day.(Didn't think it was appropriate to correct him and say, "But Sir, I never stayed a minute longer than the mandatory eight hours in office!")
Getting back to hitting the nail, chapters on 'Why do we make friends? Why do we get married?' and several related themes worked as bellows burning up my past reflections and blowing in new words and concepts like Companionship, Support, Love, Care, Permanency, Sharing.
This was followed by my reaching the conclusion that I have had an amazing 23 years of alone time and lived a wholesome self-centered life enjoying every bit of it. To my utter surprise, I felt prepared (and eager) to enter the hitherto unknown world of life-long companionship with the ONE and at the same time thinking that the accompanying sex never hurt anybody right!
As for the real question (sorry about the digression) - Marriage - Love or Compromise, I would just have to experience it to be able to answer, keeping with the spirit of Francis Bacon and his gift to mankind - the inductive methodolgy.
"The only thing that shatters dreams is compromise." ― The Bridge Across Forever
Hence the title - Marriage - Love or Compromise, much to the chagrin of my friend who insisted it should be Love and Compromise and reasoned, "you see I make compromises because I love him." To me, that was baloney.
I believe you love someone because you love the person you are (or become) when you are with them. So, if marriage is, let's say, the grandest way of telling this to the world, the moment you make a compromise (hearlding the death of a dream), how can you continue to love that person and most importantly, love yourself? Aren't you supposed to be loved and accepted for who you are and what you want to make of your life? Shouldn't marriage mean the continued fulfilment of all cherished hopes and aspirations and not their eventual demise.
Having personally experienced the whole spectrum of emotions regarding marriage ranging from being totally anti (as part of the recently culminated phase of complete disillusionment with life) to now waiting patiently for the poor guy to appear before my eyes, I stand thoroughly confused as to what it is all about.
This brain wash of mine was initiated by my close friend's french fiance and was certainly not an act of divine intervention like my mum would want to believe. Speaking in better hindi than I do, God knows how he asked me about my marriage plans in the midst of talking about his visit to Tihar Jail ( the biggest prison in Asia as part of an ICRC delegation). My response made him remark - "To kya sari umar kunwari rahna hai (So, do you plan to stay single all your life)?" I retorted, "Plan to" and thought to myself that this was coming from a guy in whose country the very concept of marriage was well, somewhat debatable. However, that was the beginning of the end of my elaborate plans to spare myself of the rigmarole of marriage and its myriad problems which would appear sooner or later. (Source - All "happily" married couples that I know of)
Next, the project assigned to me a few months back, expected me to become an expert in Behavioural Science overnight. A thorough perusal of the matter made available ( Encyclopaedia on Personal Relations and several books on Social Psychology) was so exhilarating that the Headquarter Director recently remarked that he knew I used to study for nine hours a day.(Didn't think it was appropriate to correct him and say, "But Sir, I never stayed a minute longer than the mandatory eight hours in office!")
Getting back to hitting the nail, chapters on 'Why do we make friends? Why do we get married?' and several related themes worked as bellows burning up my past reflections and blowing in new words and concepts like Companionship, Support, Love, Care, Permanency, Sharing.
This was followed by my reaching the conclusion that I have had an amazing 23 years of alone time and lived a wholesome self-centered life enjoying every bit of it. To my utter surprise, I felt prepared (and eager) to enter the hitherto unknown world of life-long companionship with the ONE and at the same time thinking that the accompanying sex never hurt anybody right!
As for the real question (sorry about the digression) - Marriage - Love or Compromise, I would just have to experience it to be able to answer, keeping with the spirit of Francis Bacon and his gift to mankind - the inductive methodolgy.
posted by optimism at 3:16 PM
1 Comments:
Hi...interesting few points. I think your friend is right...love is a compromise. How can the thoughts of a lone person be given the status of a dream...surely for something as noble ind inspiring as a dream it must be shared by at least two. By definition, that must involve compromise...and therein lies the love, further enobling the status of the dream. Just a thought.
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