19.8.1982 - 3.2.2005

The day is finally here.. feels like the entropy level in my body is nearing code red.

I will never forget what my master astrologer of an uncle once told me about 'my ways of being'. Now, I know its an 'unscientific' field of study but have to confess that deep down inside, am an ardent follower (Sorry, Prof. Biswas). He told me that I can very well deal with the ups and downs of life ALONE.. don't really need a crying shoulder so to speak.. and that Music Therapy would work or does work wonders for me. Needless to say he was dead-on..

So here's a compilation of songs dedicated to ONLY YOU which amazingly enough says what has been cooking for the past year..

Another day has gone.. I'm still all alone.. How could this be..You're not here with me
You never said goodbye.. Someone tell me why.. did you have to go and leave my world so cold..
Everyday I sit and ask myself how did love slip away.. something whispers in my ear and says..
That you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay
But you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart
..but first I need your hand then forever can begin..
You Are Not Alone - Michael Jackson


I should have held on tight, I never should have let you go..
I could not fathom that I would ever be without your love..
Never imagined I'd be sitting here beside myself..
The feeling that I'm feeling now that I don't hear your voice or have your touch and kiss your cheek..
Cause I don't have a choice..
Oh, what I wouldn't give to have you lying by my side..
Right here, cause baby
When you left I lost a part of me..
It's still so hard to believe..
Come back baby, please cause we belong together
Who else am I gonna lean on when times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me till the sun comes up..
Who's gonna take your place there ain't nobody there
Oh, baby baby, we belong together
I can't sleep at night when you are on my mind
I only think of you and it's breaking my heart.. I'm trying to keep it together but I'm falling apart..
I'm feeling all out of my element.. I'm crying.. the pain reflected in this song it ain't even half of what I'm feeling inside..
I need you need you back in my life..
Mariah Carey - We belong Together


Lonely.. I'm Mr Lonely.. I have nobody for my own..
I woke up in the middle of the night and I noticed my girl wasn't by my side, could have sworn I was dreaming.. back tracking over these few years..
because ever since my girl left me, my whole life came crashing..
Never thought the day would come where you would leave..
Ain't nowhere in the globe I'd rather be, ain't no one in the globe I'd rather see than the girl of my dreams who made me be so happy but now so lonely..
Never thought that I'd be alone, I didn't hope you'd be gone..
Akon - Lonely


I've been searching for you.. I heard a cry within my soul..I never had a yearning quite like this before..
All of my life where have you been.. I wonder if I'll ever see you again.. and if that day comes I know we could win..
A sacred gift of heaven
Lenny Kravitz - Again


I walk a lonely road.. the only one that I have ever known.. don't know where it goes but it's home to me..
And I walk alone
I walk this empty street on the Boulevard of Broken Dreams.. where the city sleeps and I'm the only one and I walk alone..
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me.. my shallow heart's the only thing that's beating..
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me.. till then I walk alone
I'm walking down the line that divides me somewhere in my mind.. on the border line of the edge and where I walk alone..
Read between the lines.. what's fucked up and everything's alright..
check my vital signs to know I'm still alive
And I walk alone
Green Day - Boulevard Of Broken Dreams

Every day I wake up I hope I’m dreaming.. I can’t believe this shit.. can’t believe you ain’t here.. it’s hard to just keep going.. it’s like I feel empty inside without you being here.

I would do anything man, to bring you back..

You’ll always be the greatest..

Can’t wait till that day, when I see your face again..

Seems like yesterday we used to rock the show.. life ain’t always what it seem to be..

Words can’t express what you mean to me.. even though you’re gone, we still a team..

In the future, can’t wait to see if you open up the gates for me..

Reminisce some time, the day they took my friend.. try to black it out, but it plays again when it’s real, feelings hard to conceal..

Can’t imagine all the pain I feel.. give anything to hear half your breath..

I know you still living your life, after death..

Every step I take, every move I make, every single day, every time I pray, I’ll be missing you.. Thinking of the day, when you went away, what a life to take, what a bond to break..

It’s kinda hard with you not around I know you in heaven smiling down.. watching us while we pray for you, every day we pray for you till the day we meet again.. In my heart is where I’ll keep you friend, MEMORIES give me the strength I need to proceed, strength I need to believe my thoughts I just can’t define.. wish I could turn back the hands of time..On that morning

When this life is over I know I’ll see your face..

Every single day is a day that I get closer to seeing you again..

Puff Daddy and family - Missing You

I never asked for this feeling.. I never knew how I felt till the day you were gone.. I was lost.. Oh I miss you so much.. I long for your love.. It scares me because my heart gets so weak that I can't even breathe..

TLC - I Miss You So Much

Don't leave me in all this pain.. come back and bring back my smile.. come and take these tears away.. I need your arms to hold me now..
Un-break my heart.. say you'll love me again.. undo this hurt you caused when you walked out the door and walked out of my life.. un-cry these tears, I cried so many nights.. take back that sad word good-bye..
Bring back the joy to my life.. Time is so unkind and life is so cruel without you here beside me.. Sweet darlin'
Without you I just can't go on..
Toni Braxton - Unbreak My Heart


And I'd give up forever to touch you because I know that you feel me somehow.. You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be and I don't want to go home right now..
And all I can taste is the moment gone by and all I can breathe is your life and sooner or later it's over, I just don't want to miss you tonight..
And I don't want the world to see me
because I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
Goo Goo Dolls - Iris


When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone.. when you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on.
Don't let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes.
Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along.. hold on, hold on..
If you feel like letting go, (hold on) when you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on.. Take comfort in your friends.. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no.
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone
If you're on your own in this life..
Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Everybody hurts.. you are not alone..
REM - Everybody hurts


When I first saw you I already knew there was something inside of you, something I thought that I would never find.. Angel of mine
Now I know why they say the best things are free.. I'm gonna love you Angel of Mine
How you changed my world you'll never know.. I'm different now, you helped me grow.. You came into my life sent from above.. When I lost all hope you showed me love..
Nothing means more to me than what we share.. no one in this whole world can ever compare..

What you mean to me you'll never know.. deep inside I need to show.. I never knew I could feel each moment as if it were new..
Monica - Angel of Mine


And there ain't no way.. I'm lettin' you go now because I'm keeping you forever and for always.. We will be together all of our day..
I felt your love for me in your heart.. I'm keeping you forever and for always, the only thing I ever wanted..
Shania Twain - Forever and For Always

I wanna fall from the stars straight into your arms.. I feel you.. I hope you comprehend..

As for all the things you taught me, it sends my future into clearer dimensions..

Too many hearts are broken, so many words are left unspoken.. the silent voices are driving me crazy..

Simply Red - Stars

I'm not a perfect person.. there's many things I wish I didn't do but I continue learning..

I just want you to know that I've found a reason for me to change who I used to be.. a reason to start over new and the reason is you

And all the pain you were put through, I wish that I could take it all away and be the one who catches all your tears..

Thats why I need you to hear that I've found a reason for me to show a side of me you didn't know.. a reason for all that I do and the reason is you.

Hoobastank - The Reason

There is freedom within, there is freedom without.. try to catch the deluge in a paper cup.. there’s a battle ahead, many battles are lost but I know I’ll never see the end of the road while you’re travelling with me..

Now I’m walking again to the beat of a drum and I’m counting the steps to the door of your heart.. to get to know the feeling of liberation and relief..

Hey now, hey now.. Don’t dream it’s over.. when the world comes in.. they come to build a wall between us but we know they won’t win.. will never let them win..

Crowded House - Don't Dream its Over

How can I forget the song.. the SIGN from you that I had asked for..

Shaam Sawere teri yaadein aati hain
Aake dil ko mere yu tadpati hain
O Sanam Mohabbat ki kasam,
Milke bichad na to dastoor ho gaya
Yadoon mein teri main jo door hogaya
O Sanam teri yadoon ki kasam
Samjhe zamaana ke dil he khilona
Jaana hai ab kya hai dil ka lagana
Nazroon se na yu humko girana
Mar bhi gaye toh bhul na jaana.
Ankhon mein bassee ho
Par door ho kaheen
Dil ke kareeb ho
Yeh mujhko hai yakeen
O Sanam tere pyar ki kasam

Lucky Ali - O Sanam

Finally, the most sentimental and moving song that I've ever had the fortune of hearing..

That I would be good even if I did nothing.. even if I got the thumbs down.. even if I got and stayed sick.. even if I gained ten pounds.. that I would be fine even if I went bankrupt..

that I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth.. even if I was no longer queen.. that I would be grand if I was not all knowing.. that I would be loved even when I numb myself.. that I would be good even when I am overwhelmed..

that I would be loved even when I was fuming.. that I would be good even if I was clingy.. even if I lost sanity.. that I would be good whether with or without you.

Alanis Morissette - That I would be Good