Happy Birthday Valentine

What better a day to write about my love moorings than the 14th of February eh..
I believe my philosophy regarding love puts me in a no win situation at all times. To begin with, I pride myself on not wearing my heart on my shoulders (ever) and enjoy being a secret admirer. This implies that the onus is on the Homo sapiens with the XY chromosome to make the ‘move’. Fair enough one might be tempted to say but no no.. I will always remember the warning of sorts from my late friend when she once said that nobody is ever good enough for me! Even now, its like I KNOW that I will be disappointed on finding out that he’s not THE ONE, so I decide (always) to conserve my time and energy instead. That ladies and gentlemen, pretty much sums up my LOVE LIFE.

It is fascinating to look back at my past ‘love’ endeavours, having tried it all (different approaches i.e.) but amazingly enough I end up right where I started. I must confess though that each experience, no matter how harrowing it might be, has contributed to my self-development and I am thankful to all those who made it possible (XY chromosome once again).

Early on, I had made a promise to myself that I shall not have a boyfriend till I graduated from school. I wanted to spend that time getting to know myself better (and falling in love as well) and reasoned that how could I say to another that I know you and like you if I didn’t even know (and like) myself! Looking back, I wonder at times WHAT IF I had done something about some of my massive crushes or said yes to the first official proposal I got (the poor guy wasn’t even given a chance).

Nonetheless, proud of having kept my promise, I waited ever so patiently for THE day of graduation to come, in fact went on my first ‘date’ on the day the exams got over (which was allowed according to the terms and conditions of my promise to myself)!

Next up, God decided now was not the time for me and so put me in India’s first all-girls government engineering college with no ‘avenues’ if you know what I mean. Just what the doctor DID NOT order :(

Not once but twice the past caught up with me, fulfillment of a long cherished dream of all girls I reckon (including me), but to no avail.

I strongly believe that the moment a girl comes to know a guy likes her, she automatically (unconsciously rather) falls in love with him. I have seen it happening all the time and can speak from my own personal experience as well. So, this one time the setting was perfect, I liked him before I came to know that the feeling was mutual, but to no avail.

Oh and this one time, finally ‘fell in love’ and even made the ‘move’ (would you believe it). It was so beautiful but to no avail.


A couple of weeks ago, the unthinkable happened, got a LOVE LETTER. The first time I got one of these, what a TRAUMATIC experience it was, friends making fun, teacher summoning an innocent me (only 12 years old). Guess that’s why the word ‘darling’ has lost its charm for me. This one, lying in my balcony for a number of days and I only picked it up about five minutes before I was leaving the place! Hilarious is the word to describe it. Read on –


I thought I would talk to you, but could not. Partly because your presence made me meek and partly because I know you for only three days, and I was too busy. The fact is, I would love to keep in contact with you. Looking at you, it seemed you are very intelligent, honest and beautiful (this one is immediately obvious :) )
When I first saw you, up from the canteen, you were walking to the office building, I did not care so much. Later on the Independence Day, you got my head turned. Then I saw you in the canteen. And I remember the small phrase you spoke when I was talking to your friends – “BITS Pilani”. You are not Bengali, right? That’s why you did not take part in the conversation. I am going today. So my chances of growing friendship with you are dimming. Please (underlined thrice) do keep in touch.
Mail id

My sis thinks it’s cute and should probably write to him. I DON’T THINK SO… I don't want to be "friends" with somebody who doesn't know that 26th of January is India's Republic Day and not Independence Day! I think its best to pretend I never got it.

This, in fact, brings me to the IRONY of my expectations regarding love. Remember I said that I am a passive lover, well the moment somebody makes the much sought after ‘move’, I can not help but feel that the person is a bit weak as he lets his emotions take the better of him. I know that’s a bit unreasonable, guess that’s why I am still the President of the Lonely Hearts Club! I am contradictions personified when it comes to LOVE! In fact I think that my practicality kills the romantic bud before it can blossom.

I was flabbergasted when my own mum told me what she told a complete stranger about my ‘love’ interests. So this stranger was talking about how people hook-up while preparing for the Civils in the coaching institute (the stranger itself being one of them). The accuracy of my mum’s reply was what was ground breaking (inspite of the fact that I haven’t really ‘TALKED’ about it to her). I believe she said something to the tune of that no one appeals to my daughter intellectually!

“I cannot allow myself to stoop so low as to hate someone”, I don’t remember who said this but I have turned it around to sum up how I feel – “I can’t allow myself to stoop so low (make myself vulnerable) as to love someone.”

Its amazing that what I wrote almost seven years ago is as relevant today as it was then.

Everywhere I look I am confronted with imperfection.. And I fail to understand why I still believe that there is someone absolutely perfect somewhere waiting for me. This has eventually led me to say that it is much easier to KNOW than to ACCEPT.