Something's Gotta Give

Yesterday I was asked to write an essay on any topic. This is any day more difficult than being thrusted with one. Though I chose to write about GST (Goods and Services Tax) [Geez, I know what you are thinking, "Could she be MORE BORING?"], I began with a thought I believe a lot in, though I was told it's rather too philosophical.

I began: We are each driving down this lane called life, which maybe metalled or sandy and you never know what you may come across... Guess that is why they say that 'Life is Beautiful'. I too was making my way through the maze when I reached NACEN where the fascinating world of tax administration greeted me.

How I then moved onto GST is anybody's guess but my ability to fly off at a tangent is not exactly the leimotif of this post. It's actually about a sudden duel going on inside me.

Having run out of convincing ideas, I turned to the outside world to provide some respite. That's when I happened to watch 'Grey's Anatomy' when actually I bunked class in order to catch up on some lost sleep.

Izzy's dying boyfriend said to her that when he looked back at the years gone by, he only remembered the times when he did what he wasn't supposed to do. (This was said in order to justify a patient-intern relationship). Grey in her narration said, " Sometimes if you want to feel good, you have to let go of what you think is right."

Seeing people act on those lines literally brought tears to my eyes... Oh! How much I wish I could be a bit like them. However, the thought of the 'bigger picture' manages to reign supreme. No wonder Grey concludes by saying, "If you know what you want, you shouldn't mind sacrificing everything for it."

I see a clear dichotomy between the 'Power of Now - Echkart Tolle' and 'Delay of Gratification - M. Scott Peck' schools of thought. Needless to say that because of 'escalation of commitment' (courtesy YS - It is the phenomenon where people increase their investment in a decision despite new evidence suggesting that the decision was probably wrong. Also it refers to a situation in which people can make irrational decisions based upon rational decisions in the past or to justify actions already taken), latter is what I'd likely adhere to.

My confidante told me that his teacher once said to him that whenever you hesiate between two courses of action, take the one which leaves everyone happy and contended. Gosh! Could this be more subjective? How can one possibly decide what the other person really feels about your decision?

Our Commissioner told us to learn how to say 'NO' as it is an art. As much as this seemed God sent, can't help but get concerned with what 'they' think. I must accept finally that there will always be a great chasm between reality and what 'they' know of it.

So let it be!

P.S - Such sudden whims, seeming to fly in the face of conventional expectations but really motivated by profound, if unexamined, psychological needs, become a leitmotif of the novel, whose chief concern is whether people can ever claim to know themselves -- or one another -- at all.
-- Elizabeth Tallent, "Thou Shalt Settle for Less and Less"