Acquainted

I observe that I have started writing again after a hiatus of almost four years. WOW! What was I caught up with all these years that prevented me from doing one of the things I love and value so much? The truth is I spent all that time on others while ignoring me. Sparing some time for me, myself, the person, felt like a crime. This is the only sensible reason I can come up with to justify why I did not pen down my feelings, experiences and teachings in all these years. However,I have consciously chosen to invest some time on myself now. I ensure I listen to my music collection and read a book everyday. There was a time when these things were like oxygen and water, a sine qua non for one's survival. How one's lifestyle evolves especially after marriage and kids is a topic for another post. I actually wanted to write this post about my evolutionary journey as an individual and where I stand now. I want to pat myself on the back for being able to accept (and not just acknowledge)a few (read many) behavioural flaws and for working to correct them. There was a time when I was so in love with myself that even the most narcissistic human being would have been put to shame. And today as I stand with my head hung low witnessing the cracks, I wonder at the old me and miss her a little bit. Accepting one's shortcomings is a big achievement in the journey towards self-actualisation. Equally important is becoming aware of one's feelings. Accepting it all is so liberating in one sense but, at the same time, one is then burdened with the need to act on it. This is the difficult part. Changing oneself, be it for the better, is never easy, let alone for a self-declared narcissist. But, you don't give up so easily because pain and hurt have been your companions for long. You want to break free, you want to feel bliss again, you want to be perfect, you wish to be a hedonist and not a masochist for once.